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If you ain't up on thangs, Marshall has moved to a new location! Where? Over to Boundless Enthusiasm! That's right -- Marshall Sontag is filled with boundless enthusiasm. All of his infinite wisdom and juicy bits already here will remain here... But for the hot, new, fresh scheisse, head on over to the new blog!

Peace!

Live More, Worry Less

Here is a rather short essay that I found at The Fellowship of Reason website that I felt I could relate to very well.

Live More, Worry Less

by Nick Wiltgen

I have resolved to live more and worry less. What does that mean?

I want to live more. I want to do more with my life than I have been doing. I want to go out more, talk to more people, keep in better touch with my friends. I want to read more books and watch less television. I want to get in better physical shape and stay that way. I want to eat delicious food but maintain a health-conscious diet. I want to be creative and to revere the creativity of others. I want to travel more. I want to broaden my horizons. I want more out of life.

Worry less. I want to be less afraid of people. I want to take more chances. I want to do things that make me a little uncomfortable. I want to put myself out there and risk rejection. I want to be myself and not worry about my minor flaws or mistakes. I want to stop comparing myself to everyone else. I want to break paradigms and push boundaries. I want to stop pigeonholing myself into my preconceived notions of what is in my character and what isn't.

So now, I have some self-training to do. I will turn off the TV and call up a friend. I will hop on the stationary bike with a good book in hand. I will schedule time off from work, catch a flight and explore new places on my own. I will sing in the car even if my windows are rolled down in heavy traffic.

I'm going to live more and worry less.

I was the website tonight because a similar fellowship is slowly being born in Central Florida. More on that later. ;-)

A Really Boring Title

Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted an update, and that could be for a lot of reasons. I've been slightly busier than usual, but a few things stick out in my mind as being the primary factors.

(1) I started to attend psychotherapy once a week with Peter, the teacher of the meditation group that I attend, to address some motivational issues I've had for quite a long time.

]]> One of the issues I first brought up with Peter was that I could never finish a book. I would become very interested in a book, and then after a couple days, my interest would drop off the face of the planet. It wouldn't slowly fade away, it would just vanish -- the emotional fuel tank would be empty. I never even finished High-Intensity Training the Mike Mentzer Way, which I was obviously so interested enough in that I sat down and spent a couple hours writing a blog entry about it. One day I spent 4 hours reading it; the next day, I didn't care about it anymore. This was the same problem I've had for years, no matter what the book; I couldn't even tell you the last book I finished -- until now! (I'll get to that in a second.)

(2) I (re)started a new diet -- The Zone. I say restarted because I had originally been on it in high school when my friend Richard bought me the book for my birthday (I'm still supposed to buy him a Pink Floyd shirt -- I know, I'm a bad friend), but I lacked the motivation to continue on it (surprise surprise) and I didn't have the same appetite for the science that I do now. I had asked Cindy Heroux about how apt the South Beach Diet was for strength training, to which she advised I check out The Zone Diet, because of reported success from many athletes. So I went and got The Zone off the bookshelf, and I started reading it. I then realized that this book was written in 1995, and noticed that Dr. Sears had written several new books since then. I asked Cindy which one to read and she recommended The Omega RX Zone: The Miracle of the New High-Dose Fish Oil, otherwise known as "The first book Marshall has finished in years." (I'll get to that in a second.)

The Zone is primarily about balancing your hormones through the food you eat, and amazing things happen your hormones are balanced. You burn excess fat, your mood improves, you can focus better, you have more energy, etc. After looking at the nutritional guidelines, I realized that this diet looked rather familiar, and then I read something where Dr. Sears described the South Beach Diet as "Atkins for the first two weeks, and The Zone for the rest of it." I've been "Zoning" for a few weeks now, and it's made me feel really great, especially compared to the tired feeling I was used to having on the South Beach Diet. I think this is because I spent a large part of the diet (albeit, not very strictly) in Phase One, where fruits and grains are completely omitted, which induced a state of ketosis in my body, which is an abnormal and unhealthy metabolic condition (though very normal to Atkins) in which your body feeds off of your brain, slowly turning you into a mindless zombie.

The Zone basically consists of eating lean protein, and lots of fruits and vegetables, to balance your levels of insulin (the storage hormone in your body prompted by carbohydrate intake) and glucagon (the mobilization hormone in your body prompted by protein intake). If you'd like to know more about The Zone, learn how to enter the zone, or check out what a day in the zone looks like. Zone Perfect also has a lot of good information, though they're no longer affiliated with Dr. Sears.

Dr. Sears also touts high-dose pharmaceutical-grade fish oil as being "as close to a medical miracle as we will see in the 21st century" in The Omega RX Zone, the book I recently finished. (I'll get to that in a second.) I bought some high-dose, phamaceutical grade fish oil for Brittany, Jason and I from a Narcissistic Baby Boomer.

After I began reading The Omega Rx Zone, something very strange happened. About a week into reading it, I found it very odd that I was still interested in the book -- after all, it was just a book on nutrition and fish oil, with heavy doses of science that I was sure to get bored of. I didn't think anything of it, and I expected to get tired of it soon. But another day passed. And another, and another. Before I knew it, it had been two weeks since I had started reading this 250 page book that was packed with science and I was only a couple chapters away from finishing it. A day later, I had completed it -- the miracle of the new high-dose fish oil became the miracle of the first book I had finished in years.

Though I wasn't very excited, because I'm very skeptical by nature (I probably learned not to trust anyone or anything at some point), which is an issue I'm also now addressing in therapy. I recently began reading Emotional Alchemy to aid in my therapy, as well as in my meditation practice -- I'm on chapter six right now, so it's coming along nicely. (Hopefully, this will be the next book I finish). It's a book about the application of mindfulness to therapy, and particularly schema therapy. (3) One of my schemas happens to be perfectionism (Check out this list of schemas -- I'm sure you can find a lot of them in yourself, just as I did), which inhibits me from writing blog entries because I start to feel overwhelmed by the requirements I place on myself. In fact, during this entry, I've thought about how I should explain the diet more, or talk more about fish oil, or discuss the other things I've done in therapy (including systematic desensitization for my fear of flying -- I'm going to Texas in 4 days), but I'm going to let that go -- If you're interested, you can ask me. I've also always felt that I've had to come up with really creative and interesting titles, so in writing this entry, I've taken a step towards resolving my perfectionism by letting this entry have a really boring title. *grin*

Note: The original title of this entry was "Therapy, The Zone, Fish Oil and Schemas," but I decided at the very end that I would change it to something I thought was rather clever. But it still counts, right? I didn't make it a requirement -- I decided to change it at the very end!

HIT Me

The time was 7:15. I drank down my 1% Milk/Soy Milk/Whey Protein/Creatine shake and did 20 minutes of yoga. Then I grabbed my water bottle, kissed Brittany goodbye and walked out the door.

]]> The time was 7:50. I walked into L.A. Fitness and gave the receptionist my membership card to scan and he looked at me surprised. "You know we close in 10 minutes, right?"

While I was caught off-guard by his statement, the surprise was fairly ephemeral. "That's OK, " I said confidently, "That's all I need." He smiled, shrugged his shoulders and said "Go right ahead, then."

I walked out of the gym 5 minutes later after having completed my workout. I did one set on the leg extension, one on the leg press, one on the calf raise and one on the ab machine, all in a high-intensity training (HIT) fashion. That was it.

Why so brief? I purchased a copy of Mike Mentzer's newest book, High-Intensity Training the Mike Mentzer Way and spent a large part of the day reading it, and that's one of the three workout routines he advocates for bodybuilders. Three routines, all consisting of performing one set of 4 or 5 exercises, every 4-7 days. This is a huge departure from traditional strength training advice, but then again Mike Mentzer was a huge departure from the traditional bodybuilder or exercise guru.

Mike Mentzer was a hero. He was the first person ever to receive a perfect score in a Mr. Universe contest by training for 45 minutes a day, 4 days a week when the other bodybuilders at the time, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, were training twice a day, for 2 hours each workout, 6 days a week. While Mentzer made huge contributions to the field of bodybuilding, above all else, he stood for rationality, honesty and integrity. Being an Objectivist, Mentzer began all explanations of bodybuilding principles with a sound philosophical foundation composed of logic and reason, and emphasized that strength training was a purely scientific endeavor. As John Little, the co-author, says in this book, Mentzer was something that was "a first for a professional bodybuilder -- an intellectual." I highly recommend you read an online essay by Little, A Question of Character: The Objectivist Versus The Machiavellian to learn more about Mentzer's amazing character, and how it parallels with Schwarzenegger's conniving ways.

He expounded on the law of identity, and its application to exercise science. In fact, Identity is the first principle of exercise he teaches: A is A, man is man and a muscle is a muscle, which has a specific nature and requires specific stimulus, universal to all muscle, in order to produce the desired result. The other fundamental principles are intensity, duration, frequency, specificity, adaptation and progression. If you have any interest in bodybuilding, or giving yourself a harder body, or just want to know more about strength training in general, I highly recommend you get yourself a copy of this book. Unfortunately, Mike Mentzer passed away in 2001 at the young age of 49 from a heart attack while he slept.

I purchased this book because, as some of you may know, I have taken to sculpting my physique as a new hobby. In my sculpting toolkit, I have the South Beach Diet which I've used to burn off nearly 30 pounds of fat, as well as various books on strength-training which I apply to make my muscles larger and more clearly defined. I also started taking creatine today for the additional workout energy, as well as the increased muscle volumization.

I didn't start working out for this purpose, however. I initially began because I had been finding an overwhelming amount of reasons to take it up. First off, I naturally wanted to lose fat and build muscle, just for the purpose having a leaner and more attractive body. I also found that regular exercise improves focus and mental sharpness, as well as staves off brain aging, helps you sleep better, and is just as effective in treating mild depression as antidepressants. In addition to exercise's brain-boosting and mood-enhancing qualities, it also produces a whole slew of health benefits.

After learning all of this, what reason can you possibly have NOT to start an exercise program now? (If you live in the Orlando area and are interested in joining a gym, contact Drew Baye.)

Anger Bad for Objectivity

If you read my last entry, Ignorance Bad for Objectivity (if you haven't, I recommend you do so first), you probably felt one of two ways afterwards:

1. Self-Righteously Infuriated
2. Self-Righteously Infuriated

What I mean is, you were most likely influenced by the angry tone I used, but in different ways depending on whether or not you agreed with me on the matter.

]]> If you already agreed with me, you would have become angry at this Wayne Dunn guy for being such a complete idiot (This can be seen in Chris Krusey's comment on that entry). If you disagreed with me on the subject, you would have become angry at me for being such a complete idiot. Either way, my essay was ineffective.

Why? Anger.

After I had written it, I sent it to the Mudita Forum because it pertained to both Objectivism and Buddhism. However, Joshua Zader, the forum moderator, rejected my post. He said he struggled with approving it and finally decided that the tone wasn't conducive to the benevolent atmosphere that he had cultivated on the forum. After it didn't show up on the forum, I became mad because I had suspected that he wasn't going to approve it (though I suspected he might not from the beginning), but came to my senses before even confirming that he had indeed rejected it (Shameless Self-Praise).

We had a dialogue about it the next day, and I explained that I found an angry tone to be effective in engaging the reader. Joshua's response? Kindness will do that too. I believe he said something along the lines of that it has a way of disarming the reader. I complained that with kindness, I wouldn't have been able to use clever metaphors, like the wolf/straw man one. "Yes, maybe not," he responded.

With these few points made, I considered what I aimed to do with my essay. I certainly think it was entertaining, and it definitely was effective as an exercise in writing -- but these things should have been secondary to the purpose of the writing, which was to persuade. I realized then that anger is an extremely ineffective way of persuading a person.

If a person already agrees with you, it doesn't matter what you say because you're preaching to the choir -- they're only going to be influenced by your angry tone to become angry themselves, which will endow them with and strengthen an attitude of angry self-righteousness. If they don't agree with you, they're certainly not going to even consider the validity of your ideas because now they're angry, and emotions have a very powerful way of inhibiting a persons openness and objectivity. When was the last time you convinced someone of anything in the midst of a heated argument? That was most likely only possible once the two of you had some time to cool off.

Josh then suggested that I write a more effective response detailing what benefits that Buddhism and the Dalai Lama could actually provide to a business. He referred me to a study performed by Richard Davidson and Jon Kabat-Zinn in which they trained several people in meditation at a medium-sized company named Promega. The results were pretty astounding, and here are the important points from the University of Wisconsin Medical School website:

In the UW study, participants were randomly assigned to one of two groups. The experimental group, with 25 subjects, received training in mindfulness meditation from one of its most noted adherents, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. (Kabat-Zinn, a popular author of books on stress reduction, developed the mindfulness-based stress reduction program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center.) This group attended a weekly class and one seven-hour retreat during the study; they also were assigned home practice for an hour a day, six days a week. The 16 members of the control group did not receive meditation training until after the study was completed.
For each group, in addition to asking the participants to assess how they felt, the research team measured electrical activity in the frontal part of the brain, an area specialized for certain kinds of emotion. Earlier research has shown that, in people who are generally positive and optimistic and during times of positive emotion, the left side of this frontal area becomes more active than the right side does.

The findings confirmed the researchers� hypothesis: the meditation group showed an increase of activation in the left-side part of the frontal region. This suggests that the meditation itself produced more activity in this region of the brain. This activity is associated with lower anxiety and a more positive emotional state.

The research team also tested whether the meditation group had better immune function than the control group did. All the study participants got a flu vaccine at the end of the 8-week meditation class. Then, at four and eight weeks after vaccine administration, both groups had blood tests to measure the level of antibodies they had produced against the flu vaccine. While both groups (as expected) had developed increased antibodies, the meditation group had a significantly larger increase than the controls, at both four and eight weeks after receiving the vaccine.

What business couldn't benefit from their employees having an increased resilience against stress, a greater orientation towards positive emotions as well as possessing a stronger immune system? (If you'd like you can read more about this mindfulness study.) I probably won't get around to writing another response like Josh suggested because I'll lose interest in the time it would take -- but I think the reference here is adequately informative enough, not only for my loyal readers, but for Wayne Dunn as well. That is, if he ever ends up visting; Who knows -- maybe he'll find my blog during a bout of ego-surfing.

And to Wayne Dunn, I would like to make an apology. I'm sorry for being so vituperative and ripping into you as I did; I just got angry about what -- and especially how -- you had written. I don't mean to sound condescending when I say this, but this may serve as a lesson to you: Anger only cultivates more anger, and that's bad for objectivity.

Ignorance Bad for Objectivity

Capitalism Magazine recently published an article by a little wolf by the name of Wayne Dunn, entitled, "Buddha Bad for Business." In it, he takes an event about the Dalai Lama speaking to businessmen and uses it as an opportunity to attack Buddhism, not even bothering to learn what the Dalai Lama actually said in his speech. His huffing and puffing, however, succeeds only in blowing down a straw man.

]]> Dalai Lama = Buddhism = Anti-Life = Anti-Capitalism = Anti-Business. With his rationalistic formula, Wayne Dunn clearly demonstrates his ignorance about not only the Dalai Lama, but also Buddhism. Perhaps his article might be more aptly titled "Destroying Buddhism with Rationalism in Five Easy Steps." The truth of the matter is that neither the Dalai Lama, nor Buddhism, are anti-life. While Tibetan Buddhists dabble in mysticism (Dunn neglects to distiguish between the different varieties of Buddhism -- likely out of ignorance), their philosophy is largely pro-life and much of it integrates with Objectivism beautifully. To demonstrate, here are a few choice quotes:

"I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness." -The Dalai Lama

"Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life." -Ayn Rand

Can you see any difference? I certainly can't. Mr. Dunn points out in his essay that the only way to attain "inner peace" (his quotations -- as if inner peace is some ridiculous pseudo-concept), according to the Dalai Lama and his Buddhist cohorts, is by renouncing "ALL desires... Material things then - even food, clothing and other necessities - are viewed as mere allurements." Except, I have a quote here by the Dalai Lama that seems to conflict with that statement:

"Human beings are of such nature that they should have not only material facilities but spiritual sustenance as well. "

There it is: Human beings should have material facilities. While I'm not exactly sure what's encompassed under "material facilities," I would bet the farm that food, clothing and other necesseties are. And doesn't he seem to speak of the same integrated nature of material and spirit that Ayn Rand spoke so frequently about?

The Dalai Lama has also stated that he sees the value in a romantic love relationship. And good health -- must I even address this? The whole purpose of the four noble truths and the noble eightfold path is the attainment of sound mental health. The third noble truth, the assertion that "suffering ceases with the cessation of craving" refers to a certain type of desire. The kind of desire where you just HAVE to have something in order to be happy -- the kind of desire which causes you to be unhappy because you can't satisfy it. This is the statement that Dunn takes at face value, doesn't bother to inquire further into, and then hastily applies a blanket condemnation to all of Buddhism, including the Dalai Lama.

My intent here is not to defend the omniscience of the Dalai Lama -- I certainly don't agree with everything he believes. Neither is it my intent to defend the sound integration of Buddhism and Objectivism -- this task would be far too time-consuming, and rather impossible in my opinion. Rather, my intent is to illuminate Mr. Dunn's blatant lack of objectivity that he displays with his statements of utter ignorance. It is rather ironic (or hypocritical, if you would like) that he concurrently consider himself a defender of objectivity (which I think we can infer from his references to Ayn Rand and The Ayn Rand Institute), and a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson (misrepresented by Rand herself) comes to mind: "Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you say." Mr. Dunn applies a similar, albeit twisted version of this: "Who I ignorantly think you are speaks so loudly, I won't even bother trying to hear what you say."

Perhaps I shouldn't be quick to blame, however. Perhaps his problem is that he never learned a philosophy, like Buddhism, that teaches one how to be objective through various practices. Perhaps he never knew about the Mudita Forum in which he could learn how to integrate the valuable aspects of Buddhism with Objectivism. Regardless of the cause, Mr. Dunn remains ignorant of the true nature of Buddhism.

In his essay, he says that according to Buddhism, and the Dalai Lama by implication, "to avoid suffering and discontentment...one must rid oneself of all desires." I would like my guest speaker, Mr. Lama, who is in disagreement with Mr. Dunn, to respond for himself: "I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance." Please, Mr. Dunn, don't make us suffer any longer.

Does Meditation Affect Philosophical Beliefs?

Mike Enright recently asked on the Mudita Forum:

When I started my interest in buddhism I was told that if I meditated regularly I would eventually take on the buddhist philosophical positions. This came about because I was very interested in debating and understanding buddhist ideas say on the self and karma.My basic state of mind was that there was a lot to be said for some of these ideas (i.e. they desirved attention), but also that many of the statements of buddhists were too bizarre to really understand. The response was that the guy could go statement by statement with me, but it would be easier for both of us if I stopped reading and started meditating.

Has anyone found that to be true?

Also, a similar statement was given to me regarding vegitarianism. They said that if I meditated seriously I would become so mindful of the suffering of animals when I ate that I would stop eating meat. Has anyone experienceed this?

To which I responded:

]]> Hey Mike,

Oh, how familiar that argument is. �Once you start meditating, then you�ll agree with me.� I�ve also heard it stated as, �You�ll understand when you�re older � I was once young and idealistic too.�

Oops, wait a second.

That was my initial reaction to reading your statements, but the recent habit I�ve developed of examining my mental processes caused me to re-examine what I had written, and I found that in my experience, there is some truth to that statement. I have learned things the more I�ve meditated, or more specifically practiced mindfulness. For example, I have cultivated a greater self-awareness. Can anyone see the irony in this situation? I digress�

A lot of the ideas I�ve come across in my eastern studies initially struck me as confusing, but one characteristic I�ve developed in the last six months as a result of these studies is a much more open mind. As you have seen, my initial reaction was to find some sort of logical fallacy in the statement and then drop it like a hot bowl of potato soup. But what I end up doing is throwing out the potatoes with the soup water, leaving me stuck with convoluted mixed metaphors and nothing to eat. What I mean is, the more I learned to lessen the tendency to judge (partly from cultivating acceptance and mindfulness, and perhaps partly because of Josh Zader�s prodding), the more likely I was to continue pondering something and find meaning in it. For example�

�The self? Of COURSE there�s a self. Who do you think is typing this right now? And who do you think is reading it? My self and Your self! Now remove your self from my self�s presence you whim-worshipping scoundrel!� This was probably somewhat akin to my real sentiment on the matter of no-self when I first heard it, though a bit exaggerated. I have kept my mind open, however, and I can now say I�m very comfortable with the concept. Each moment that goes by, you�re a different person. As Josh once told me, the self is a process and not an actual �thing�. This is clearly a psychological statement, no?

The same is true of Karma. I used to talk about how ridiculous of a concept it was, and I would ask a Buddhist friend if there are little karma fairies that fly around and determine the moral status of our actions, and then add or subtract karma points to/from an account that we could get the balance statement of at Karma.com. I found out later that it was basically (at least in part) a statement of human habituation � the more you do something, the more likely you are to do it again. Like smoking, cheating on a test, misusing metaphors, etc. I know I mentioned that karma partly regarded habituation, because I think there is another aspect to it that�s mystical. Or maybe it�s not, I�m still keeping my mind open.

Anyways, I guess you could say it hasn�t really changed my philosophical views per se, but rather my psychological views. Though, personally I think that one�s psychological beliefs necessarily impact their philosophical beliefs � Ayn Rand didn�t hierarchically place ethics above epistemology for no reason, and spoke very frequently of one�s �psycho-epistemology.� The more I meditate and the less prone I am to judge, the more likely I am to be accepting and compassionate of others wrongful actions � this necessarily affects the ethics I choose to practice, does it not? Anyones thoughts?

Indeed, you may run into an eastern philosophical statement that seems wrong almost immediately. This was probably true of no-self and karma, but what I would advise doing is something extremely helpful I recall Damian Moskovitz saying on this forum a long time ago. It was something along the lines of examining metaphysical statements through a psychological lens. I do admit, though not embarrassingly, that on occasion I have been known to consider some of those statements in a metaphysical sense. �Maybe there is a collective consciousness� but�hmm�. No�..uh, nevermind.� As you can see, I always end up negating the thought. But I think it�s healthy to do this, so that what I believe doesn�t harden into a dogma. I mean, ya never know � one day we may find out that there really is a collective consciousness and�.but�hmm� no�uh, nevermind.

Regarding vegetarianism, I like to think of the Buddha. He was most definitely not a vegetarian, though he never accepted meat from an animal that was slaughtered *for* him. Talk about mixed premises, though I think the whole point is the cultivation of good intentions. I brought up this point in my local vipassana group when all the hippies (*ahem* -- sorry, there goes my judging mind again) there were discussing not using hair products tested on animals. I said that when I buy shampoo that was tested on animals, I don�t buy it because I know that some animal suffered because of it -- I buy it because it makes my hair smell fruity. Peter, the group host, said that was a good point, and told a story about a blind enlightened person stepping on and killing a bug in the Buddha�s sangha (meaning, the Buddha�s meeting group of hippies), much to the chagrin of the people witnessing it.

�He killed a bug! That�s doing harm, Buddha! Isn�t it?� they clamored. The Buddha rolled his eyes and said �What�s wrong with you hippies, can�t you see his freakin� white cane? He didn�t mean to do it, he�s blind!� While maybe it didn�t go exactly like that, the point of the story was that it�s not so much your actions, but your intentions that matter in achieving this awakened state of mind.

I don�t think the story had any effect on the rest of the group though, they still complain about eating animals. As many of us know, eating animals is perfectly natural. When the lion eats the gazelle, his *intention* isn�t to make the gazelle suffer, it�s just to feed himself. The same is true of people � they don�t eat animals for the sake of killing them, they eat them because their body needs those essential amino acids, and of course because it tastes good. In my understanding, it�s all about the intention in Buddhism. I think it�s safe to say that someone who derives great pleasure from torturing animals is not going to make it to nirvana!

Anyways, those are my lengthy thoughts on the matter. In conclusion, I would say that my studies of eastern philosophy *have* necessarily had an impact on my view of ethics through developing the qualities of mind I�ve found to be conducive to my own happiness and success in life, though my metaphysical views haven�t waivered.

If you're interested in Objectivism as well as eastern philosophy or meditation, I recommend you join Mudita Forum.

Connoisseur of Connoisseurs

Last night, I made an interesting realization about myself. Brittany and I attended a class at Whole Foods entitled "To Carb or Not to Carb" given by Cindy Heroux, a registered dietician. It was very informative, and while I did already know a great deal of what she spoke about, she integrated it all beautifully and provided very good general nutritional advice.

]]> She spoke about how Atkins unfairly incriminates carbohydrates when glucose, a carbohydrate, is an absolutely essential energy source for your brain and nervous system. She said that through the last several decades, diet fads like Atkins have come and gone, but epidemiological studies throughout the world have shown that the populations that ate mostly fresh fruits and vegetables were consistently the healthiest.

Another common-sense, yet uncommonly occurring statement she made was "Everything in moderation." Your body needs a little of everything; it needs fat, protein AND carbohydrates, so don't let yourself fall into the recent carb hysteria -- it's just another fad. Provided you learn moderation, you can eat basically anything you want to. Unfortunately, many people lack the self-discipline required to do that and instead seek a nutritional dogma, very much like they would a religion.

She also made a few comments that piqued my curiosity regarding her involvement in eastern philosophy. One was "Listen to your body," and what she basically means is this: Your body will tell you when to stop eating and it will let you know when it doesn't like a food you've eaten, among other things. This sounded vaguely eastern, but I wasn't really sure about it until she discussed her practice of mindful eating (I think she called it sensual, because it engages all of your senses). Brittany also showed me sections in Cindy's book on things like living in the present, and watching your thoughts. It turns out that she does study eastern philosophies. Which ones? "All of them. I'm a student of the world. I think every culture has something valuable to offer." I thought that was an incredible statement, because it's something I've implicitly felt as I've begun to expand my areas of study.

I decided then, after listening to her nutritional advice as well as hearing about her other studies, that she was an expert on, to borrow from her website, wellness. I asked if I could ask her questions via e-mail because I wanted to go to her with any questions I had in the future, which she affirmed that I could do. It was at that moment that I realized that I collected experts.

A collector of experts, or you could say a connoisseur of connoisseurs. In every area of my life, I have connected with and latched onto people that I considered experts in those fields. For psychology, meditation, Buddhjectivism and design, I have Joshua Zader (I'm sorry, Josh, I mean't "ObjectiBuddhism" *wink*). For exercise and design, Drew Baye has always been extremely helpful. For Objectivism, I have William Thomas (Though Diana Hsieh might disagree.) For meditation and Buddhism, I have Peter Carlson and Arinna Weisman. For investing, there's the man that introduced me to the book responsible for my financial philosophy (Rich Dad, Poor Dad -- Buy it!): Dr. Michael Zerivitz, Lindsey's dad (Whom I haven't spoken to about the subject in a long time because I have no money!). For epicurean endeavors, I have my wonderful mother. If I needed to do some handy work, I imagine I'd call my landlord, Arik March, and if I had a physics question, I'd probably ask Luke Setzer.

The realization made me remember something I read in Charles Givens' book, SuperSelf: "Learn from the experiences of others, rather than your own. " He goes on to elaborate:

You can cut the learning curve by up to 90 percent in anything you set out to accomplish through the application of this simple strategy. You become truly wise not when you get a college degree, but when you learn to learn from both the positive and negative experiences of others so that you don't have to repeat their mistakes and travel all of the dead-end roads yourself.

So next time you find an expert, grab 'em -- and if you're reading this right now, you already have! *wink*

Faux-Pology

Recently in her blog, Lindsey made the following statement that I would like to address:

"Marshall brought up the topic today of giving an apology with �feeling�. I�m not really sure how to do this or what is involved (he said it should come naturally) in doing this since giving an apology comes from an understanding and awareness of your actions/behavior/words and has nothing to do with �feelings�. Whenever I think about giving an apology with �feeling� I feel the urge to laugh as if I am acting."

]]> First, a few definitions:

apology (n) - An acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense.

apologize (v) - To make excuse for or regretful acknowledgment of a fault or offense.

So we see that an essential part of an apology is the presence of "regret."

regret (v) To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.

Yes, it says "To feel." Without the feeling, it is not an apology. I do realize that part of the definition is "asking pardon" or "making excuse." However, it is not those things that people desire in an apology -- It is that feeling of remorse for doing them harm that they seek.

You mentioned that an apology "comes from an understanding and awareness of your actions/behaviors/words," and yes, it does "come from" that. However, it stops at several places on the way. After it leaves awareness, it proceeds to evaluation, followed by emotion and then reaction. The emotion is what moves us to act; If that emotion is not regret, any apology we give is motivated by other factors.

Sometimes people realize that a wrongdoing of theirs may hurt other people, and they realize this is wrong, and the proceeding emotion is regret. That feeling of regret will then move them to apologize.

Alternatively, a person may instead recognize that a wrongdoing has lead to someone being mad at them, which may make them feel bad about themselves. The resulting emotion is fear, and they apologize so that they no longer have to be subject to the treatment that bears negatively upon their self-image. The apology lacks regret, so it may seem inauthentic, but this is justifiably so because it is *not* a genuine apology (at least not entirely.)

So what do we do with this faux-pology? I think that a person who portrays behavior like that in the latter scenario lacks a certain level of emotional maturity, due to insecurities, inhibited development or various other reasons that I'm not aware of, and this should be considered when determining how to deal with them. Do you condemn them? Well, do you condemn a person for their psychological misgivings? I don't think so.

I think the proper response is some level of compassion. This is an emotion, of course, which must proceed from the recognition of the fact that the person isn't adequately equipped emotionally to provide a satisfactory apologetic response. We know that they don't wish to do us harm, and any harm they do is done unconsciously. The resulting action is then forgiveness.

So yes, Lindsey, an apology does require feeling. But nobody should condemn you if, for whatever reason, you're unable to provide it to them. I certainly lack the emotional maturity required to fully experience regret sometimes when I do something wrong, and this has caused conflicts between my boss and me. Perhaps if he knew this about me, he would approach it definitely, but most of the time it results in his frustration.

I realize I may be oversimplifying the matter or not entirely accurate, so I welcome any comments. (Particularly from experienced psychologists.)

Reflect!

It's been almost a month since I returned from the retreat, so I've had plenty of time to ponder my experiences at the retreat and it's effects, which have been ephemeral, subtle, long-lasting and profound all at the same time. While it has only been a month, the pace and structure of my daily routine has caused me to feel somewhat distanced from the experience, so I'm going to put all my thoughts down before I forget valuable parts of it.

]]> Like I mentioned previously, it was being held at the Holy Name Monastery in St. Leo, FL, which is about 20 miles from Lakeland. Brittany and I were a little late because we initially wandered around the wrong building -- I guess at a Catholic university, several of the buildings resemble what could be a monastery. Anyways, we finally found the right building and arrived right as they were getting started with light stretching exercises, followed by a 45 minute sitting meditation, various announcements and then bedtime.

The structure of the next two days consisted of periods of sitting meditation, walking meditation, dharma talks (discussions of buddhism) and light stretching exercises, with breakfast, lunch and dinner interspersed throughout the day. The whole retreat was supposed to be spent in silence (called "noble silence"), which it was for the most part, but there was some talking during discussions, and of course Brittany and I broke the rules a few times -- at one point, the teacher play-scolded us and told us to stop communicating.

Arinna Weisman was our teacher, and everything about her radiated joy -- her manner is very peaceful and her very presence puts me at ease. She has a British accent from being raised in South Africa, and her speech is polished and intentional. By intentional, I mean that unlike many people who seem to just ramble out whatever comes to mind, it seemed as if everything she said was carefully chosen. She had a very warm and inviting smile, and a jubilant laugh. She's been practicing meditation for 20 years, and has studied many different traditions, including the Zen tradition under Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh.

We would wake up at 6:45 AM and have 30 minutes to shower, after which someone would walk through the dorm hall ringing a bell. We would then report to the sitting room and do sitting meditation for 45 minutes. For those unacquainted with the meditative arts, this consists basically of sitting in one place without moving and doing nothing but watching your breathing. (You can also read Joshua Zader's How to Meditate.) For the most part, I sat in a meditation chair with a zafu on the seat, which proved to be very comfortable. Thoughts would arise and I would automatically be consumed by them until I realized I was thinking, and I would drop the thought and return my attention back to my breath. After the sitting, we would go to breakfast, which consisted mostly of eggs, cereal, fruit and toast. After breakfast, we'd have about an hour to do what we wanted and then I got to ring the bill to signal to everyone to return to the sitting room for another 45 minutes of sitting meditation, followed by 45 minutes of walking meditation.

The purpose of the walking meditation (I think -- I never got around to asking her the purpose) is to practice being mindful of your body and to become accustomed to keeping your attention in your body throughout the day. Prior to the first walking meditation, Arinna gave us instructions on two different methods of doing it. The first method involved counting your alternating steps as such: 1, 1-2, 1-2-3, 1-2-3-4. This continues up to ten, after which you go back down. 10, 10-9, 10-9-8, etc. This was the method she prescribed for those that didn't have the patience or coordination for the other method, which involved mentally identifying each individual component of the walking as you slowly walk: Lifting the foot, placing the foot, and then shifting your weight from the rear foot to the front foot. Lifting, Placing, Shifting. Lifting, Placing, Shifting. Lifting, Placing, Shifting. Lifting, Placing, Shifting, And so on. She also said in her instructions that formally, you would start off at a faster pace and only identify the placing, and after 15 minutes you would slow down and identify only lifting and placing, and after 15 minutes of that you would slow down even more and identify all three. This was an interesting exercise... I found myself picking out a place to walk to in my mind, and then urges arising to get there more quickly, but most of the time I resisted the urges and maintained my slow and steady pace. After a little practice, you get into the natural rhythm of walking despite the incredibly slow pace and everything else around you seems to fade away. Sometimes I didn't resist the urges, however, and used the first counting method as a rationalization to get somewhere more quickly. "I'll just do this other method. It's meditation too, right?"

After some more sitting and walking, it would be lunchtime. I found the meals to be the highpoints of my day, despite the fact that we ate in total silence; However, now in retrospect, the meals are the least memorable. I found myself taking more food than I really wanted to eat. Brittany said she was doing the same thing, and that she thinks that it was compensating for the lack of the usual stimulus, such as social interaction and internet. This might explain why I would get so excited by the meals, but I usually get excited by eating anyways! (I think it was a little of both.) We were encouraged to eat mindfully, which consisted of taking a bite, putting the fork down, closing your eyes and putting all of your attention into that bite of food -- the taste and texture, the feeling of it moving around in your mouth and chewing it and the sensation of swallowing the bite, feeling it go all the way down to your stomach. It was a very satisfying experience, and I found that later in the day I could more easily recall what I ate and exactly what it tasted like moreso than usual.

Some interesting patterns kept arising throughout the weekend. The one that seemed to be most prevalent was my habitual resistance to the present moment, otherwise characterized as wanting to be somewhere else. While I would be doing sitting meditation, I would suddenly get impatient and think "I can't wait for this to be over so I can go outside for the walking meditation, and enjoy the warmth of the sun and the fresh air and actually do some activity." Afterwards, during the walking meditation, I would be thinking, "It's so hot out here, and this walking is boring, I can't wait to get back inside to just relax and do sitting meditation." :-) It didn't take much of that for me to realize what was going on. It happened routinely during every meditation, but I became adept at catching it, identifying it for what it was (a resistance pattern) and then taking my attention back to my breath or walking. I was reminded of the story of a monk who was subject to Chinese water torture, yet survived unscathed. When asked how he did it, his response was this: "Every drop was the first drop." While this probably never really happened, it did help me greatly whenever the thought arose that what I was doing was taking too long -- This is the first breath. This is the first step.

Another pattern of thought that kept arising was this blog entry. No, not this blog entry, but an imaginary one that was very much like it. Sometimes while I would be doing sitting or walking meditation, or eating a meal, my mind would say, "Hey! I could write about this in my blog!" followed by thoughts about the best way to word it. As soon as I caught myself doing it, I would let it go, but it was really quite prevalent the whole time. What strikes me as funny is that despite all the time I spent doing it, the only thing I seem to have retained was "radiated joy," and I guess that's only because when I think of Arinna, that's what comes to mind. Ironically enough, it's taken me almost a month to finally get around to writing the entire entry.

At the very end of the retreat, we formed a circle and one by one discussed our retreat experience. Peter said that lately he's been experiencing intense back pain which had severely hindered his ability to meditate, and that his mind kept telling him horror stories of how he'll never be able to teach meditation again. He got very emotional and he himself started crying, which lasted for about 5 minutes until Arinna decided to move on to the next person due to time restraints. Everyone seemed very vulnerable emotionally, and many people cried while sharing their experiences. Arinna explained why at the end, and gave us a disclaimer regarding our emotional states following the retreat. She said the daily practices of the retreat had "opened up our hearts" and that we would be much more vulnerable once we returned to our normal lives. I disregarded it because I wasn't feeling very vulnerable, but boy was I wrong! I'll get to that in a moment...

After that, we broke noble silence and had lunch, our last meal together. Arinna asked Brittany and I about our jobs, and then expressed interest in having me redesign her website when she found out about what i did. I've since talked to her on the phone and she's arranged to send me tapes of her previous dharma talks for inspiration. These tapes are usually at least $12 a piece, but I'm getting them for free! Anyways, we packed up our stuff and we bought a copy of Arinna's book, The Beginners Guide to Insight Meditation, in which she wrote a personal blessing for us. If anyone would like to read this, let me know and I will gladly buy you a copy -- at least to borrow so that I can lend it to others!

For the next few days after we returned, I was ultra-sensitive! While I was at work, Joshua Zader and I got into a disagreement regarding something I was doing for The Atlasphere in which he said that I was being unprofessional, and I started crying! I realize part of it was because I stake some of my self-worth in his opinion of me, but I ordinarily wouldn't start crying hysterically like that! I had to go to the bathroom a few times to maintain my composure, and Josh and I talked it out. He was very supportive to my condition and was very reassuring, and we ended up resolving it in no time -- it was just a miscommunication! In fact, one of the reasons we were able to resolve it so quickly is because of how uncharacteristically open I was being throughout the ordeal.

Like I mentioned previously, it's been nearly a month and I'm finally getting around to completing this entry and I've lost a great deal of enthusiasm since I started writing it, which was a few days afterwards. I've had various insights following it, but they no longer seem as exciting to me. I no longer meditate as religiously as I did in the days that followed the retreat. Things have definitely returned to normal -- but not entirely. I still feel a lot more open in my dealings with people, and I seem to have developed a greater sensitivty to the suffering I cause others sometimes through my harsh words. Overall, it was an excellent experience, and I'm definitely looking forward to the next one... Hopefully, it will be your first.

Stay Tuned

Well, I figure it's about time to give my loyal readers an update, as I haven't posted anything since I was leaving for the retreat and I'm sure everyone's getting anxious. So here's what's going on:

I've felt pretty overwhelmed lately. In addition to working 40+ hours a week at Great Insurance Jobs, I've been...

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PHP Programming for The Atlasphere The main programmer for the site has been extremely busy lately, so Joshua Zader hired me to do various tasks in my sparetime at the rate of $20/hr. I really enjoy being able to contribute to The Atlasphere and I'm glad I have the opportunity to work with Josh. The additional income is great too, but sometimes I put in odd hours -- Last night, I stayed up til 3am fixing the site's cookie for the dating section.

Writing New Blog Entries So far, I've drafted about 6 or 7 new entries that are waiting to be completed. One of those includes the details of my retreat experience, which I expect to publish this weekend.

Attending Meditation Class This class is every wednesday night at 7, and consists of meditating for 45 minutes, followed by a 75 minute dharma talk. While we hadn't been going for a while, we've been both wednesdays since we returned from the retreat because the retreat reinvigorated our interest in the subject. Grant came with us to last night's class, followed by Starbucks afterwards for percolated beverages and conversation. I had a really great time.

Volunteering with Renovating the Meditation Hall The meditation hall is located in Peter's backyard, and he's decided to add another big room onto it, so Brittany and I went there last saturday and helped him paint, followed by 45 minutes of meditation. I plan on helping some more in the weeks to come, it's a really neat feeling to go there and know that a part of you is forever part of the meditation hall.

Exercising I recently joined LA Fitness on Monday night and have since worked out there twice doing high-intensity strength training. It's nothing like Ken's gym -- There's mirrors on all the walls, lots of people there, less-than-desirable equipment and annoying techno music playing. The worst part, though, was the salespeople. We had to deal with this greasy guy with a mustache and a Brooklyn accent. Some of my favorite lines of his: "You look like quality people, so I think you deserve to attend a quality club." After he said that, I just laughed and said sarcastically, "Well, I never thought of it THAT way!" Another one was, "So what ya sayin' is, ya health isn't a priority?" I'm having a heard time not being judgmental about the whole thing, and even though I got him to knock $80 off the new member fee, I still felt dirty about the whole experience. But the gym is adequate, and has a pool, basketball court and sauna, so eventually I'll be distanced enough from the experience to not care. And right now, I'm really sore.

South Beach Dieting I've been strictly adhering to the South Beach Diet, which requires you do a great deal of cooking. So far I've lost 17 lbs! Brittany made jumbalaya last night and it was absolutely incredible. Speaking of cooking -- we've been considering opening a cooking blog where we'd post all of the recipes we make. Anyone interested?

Arinna Weisman's Website I've agreed to donate my time and efforts to redoing Arinna Weisman's (the retreat teacher) website. We talked last night on the phone and we discussed what could potentially be done with the site. I mentioned that a lot of meditation teachers had flowers on their sites, and she said something that I thought was pretty funny. "Oh, no, I'm sick of all that new-agey flower stuff." She's going to be sending me several tapes of her dharma talks so that I can be inspired, which is pretty cool because those tapes usually cost at least $12.

I've been wanting to finish and implement the new design for my blog and theres also a stack of books about a mile high I've been wanting to read. It's strange to think about how much I've been doing lately when a little over a year ago, I was doing practically nothing. I think it's a step in the right direction. Stay tuned for more!

Retreat!

In a half hour, I will be leaving for the Benedictine Sisters of Florida Holy Name Monastery for 3� fun-filled and exciting days of non-stop... breathing!

]]> While I'm sarcastically painting it like it's going to be boring, I'm actually very excited about the retreat right now, and I only described it as such because most people reading this will probably think it sounds boring. Except the smart ones, of course. (I can see you steaming already!) Anyways, it's a rarity for me to get excited about anything, so this is a pretty special moment for me.

And I decided to share it with YOU! How special you are. Anyways, I can't waste anymore of my precious time with you because I gotta go get packed -- and as usual, it's the last minute and I'm not ready yet.

Peace. (That's how it's really spelled, Grant.)

My Boss Satisfied Me With All 19 Inches -- or, Knowing is Half the Battle.

At work last week, my boss Scott was anxiously awaiting the UPS guy. When he finally showed up, he brought 6 boxes from Dell Computers. This time, however, he didn't say "You got a Dell, dude!" like he did with the last shipment from Dell.

]]> After Scott signed for the packages and the guy left, he realized that two of them didn't even belong to us. In fact, the street was completely different. So much for the power of brown, or whatever their new ad campaign is.

Anyways, I didn't have to wonder why he was so anxious -- It all started several weeks ago...

*Blurry Flashback Waves*

I had just set up the new Dell computer that Scott had purchased for me. He came in and saw the computer, and asked, "Why didn't you get the 19 inch monitor?"

"What?!" I exclaimed, "You said I couldn't have it!"

"You didn't ask, I would've let you have it."

So I sulked for about 12 seconds, and then remembered that Roger was going to be ordering new Dell computers soon. So I began campaigning with Roger:

"Come on, Rog, hook it up. You can give whoever my 17 inch, and I'll take the 19 inch."

"Alright, son, I'll take care of you."

The next day:

"Hey Rogie-pooh, did you order those computers yet?"

"Yep."

"And you got me the 19 inch monitor?!?"

"Nope."

So that proved unsuccessful... Let me tell you, Roger is one of the most reliable and dependable people in the world. I would set my watch by him... as long as he was standing next to a clock.

So anyways, I go and tell Scott about my unsuccessful attempts to coax Roger into getting me a 19 inch monitor, and he nods understandingly as if he had heard this story, or a similar one, many times. It turns out he had. I then forgot about it and went on with my business.

A couple weeks later, Scott tells me he ordered more computers from Dell for the new employees, and the grand total was $1700, which is about the price of 3 computers. I, however, was suspicious -- somehow, I intuitively sensed that there was something funny going on...

My suspicion heightened a couple days later, when Scott informed me that his credit card wasn't approved because of a default charge limit that American Express had on the card. "It said, 'Your recent charge of $19--1700 was declined by your credit card company,' and I find out it's because American Express put a charge limit on the card," he said. Hmmm.... Why would he accidentally say 19 instead of 17? I was almost certain I knew why, and looked forward to receiving my new monitor.

The next day, still before the Dell boxes came, Scott was looking around the office thinking about where he can place the new employees, and because of the lack of adequate office space, his search was becoming desperate. He asked me if I would move into the hallway. It's actually more of an alcove where they currently keep bookshelves and filing cabinets, but I called it a hall because it made Scott mad. :-D

Scott: Alright Marshall, let's negotiate. What do you want to move your office over there?

Me: Come on, you actually want me to move my office into the hallway?

Scott: Don't call it a hallway! If you call it that, then whoever gets it is going to think they got a sour deal!

Me: Well what would you call it?

Scott: I don't know, but it's not a hallway.

Me: OK fine, so what are you going to offer me to move my office into the hallway?

Scott, after first giving me a mean glare: How about I get you that 19 inch monitor you wanted?

Clever guy, eh? Orders me something, doesn't tell me about it, and then later realizes he can use it as leverage to get me to do something for him. Too bad for him that I'm far more cleverer...er... yeah, so anyways, my response is:

"Come on, Scott, I'm not going to put my desk in the hallway, where people are going to be tripping over me, just for a 19 inch monitor."

"Don't call it a hallway!" was all he replied with. He later found a solution, and it involved putting up cubicle walls, and putting one of the sales people in a different hallway--er--I mean, "inter-office space."

Later in the week, Scott was anxiously awaiting the UPS guy because he wanted to personally give the monitor to me, which I thanked him wholeheartedly for. He does a lot for me, and I really appreciate all of it, though I never express it because I'm emotionally-retarded and I'm never comfortable with discussing my emotions. If he ever reads this, which isn't very likely, he'll know how I feel.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Right after the exchange where Scott offered me the monitor to move out of my office, I went and told my co-worker Frank what had happened, and he looked at me and laughed.

"Knowledge is power," he replied, unwittingly quoting Sir Francis Bacon. It sure is, and I have a 19 inch monitor and the same office I had before to prove it -- though I've yet to clean Roger's fingerprints off the screen. *Sigh*

Fried Chicken and Anal Hemorrhaging

I bought a 1.5L bottle of Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon for $7 tonight. For those that don't know, $7 is really cheap for a 1.5L bottle. Anyways, I looked it up online and several descriptions said that it was "excellent with fried chicken in the backyard."

So here I am drinking a cheap bottle of fried chicken wine. I think it tastes alright, but then again I really don't have that refined of a palate to make an educated assessment. I like the buzz that accompanies wine more than other types of alcohol, though Will says the hangovers are awful. I wouldn't know though.

So anyways, I guess you're expecting something insightful now. Well I didn't plan on it, but I'm not one to disappoint, and the subject does remind me of something I've been thinking about for quite some time now.

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Alcohol has a very interesting effect on my state of consciousness. I'm sure now you're saying "No shit, Sherlock!" but the interesting effect I'm referring to is what it does to my natural state of compulsive thinking -- It seems to quiet my mind. It seems to silence a lot of the automatic and compulsive judgments that my mind habitually produces. While this may seem to you as an undesirable effect, I don't think it is entirely so. I believe this is partially a desirable effect and it clarifies for me why and how people use alcohol to escape.

When I've had something to drink, I judge the people I'm with less and enjoy their company more -- is this undesirable? When I'm mildly under the influence of alcohol, the "don't do it" voices in my head are put to sleep and my inhibitions are lessened, causing me to feel more confident -- is there a problem with this? After a few drinks, I fret less about things that I regret doing, and worry less about future events. In other words, I'm slightly more present -- Is this objectionable?

When my mind is quieted, for whatever reason, my attention is of far greater depth and quality. This is an important point that Grant didn't perceive when he said that he had been able to pay a great amount of attention to Chris when Chris was opening up to him, despite having already consumed several beers. Rather than despite of, I think it's because of the alcohol consumption that his attention was made more available.

I emphasized "for whatever reason" in the previous paragraph because alcohol certainly isn't the only thing that can quiet the mind. Meditation is infinitely better suited towards that purpose because it can achieve vastly greater effects than alcohol can, without all the negative side effects. Yes, as I'm sure you know from experience, too much alcohol can cause a great deal of problems. While inhibiting judgment to a slight degree may be desirable, shutting down the power to the part of the brain that's responsible for good judgment certainly is not. And you'll know why when you wake up the next morning in a car with a big black guy, being rushed to the hospital for anal hemorrhaging.

Anyways, I'll discuss the subject of compulsive judgment later, but in the meantime, have a few drinks and enjoy yourself -- but drink responsibly. And the next time you buy a bottle of wine, try and spend more than $7. I, however, am on my way now to the bathroom for some Pepto Bismol.

Blog Role

Ever since I made the decision that I needed more than one blog, I've had a hard time determining exactly what purposes I'm trying to fulfill. My first blog was put up basically out of necessity -- I had things on my mind that I wanted to discuss with a public audience, so I chose the least time-consuming option of creating an account with Blogger. I later realized that I didn't really identify with the name of the blog anymore and decided to relocate it to MarshallSontag.com, as well as split it up to fit my two basic needs.

]]> I needed a blog to document my daily experiences and thoughts, which became Marshall Sontag Live. I also needed a blog in which I could post more substantial essays for the more intellectually-inclined of my audience. But then, after my first post in this blog, I realized that my daily thoughts are substantial. At least the ones that I want to devote time to discussing in a written forum. Maybe if I didn't have a job or a girlfriend, I might make posts about what I had for lunch or what Jason did that pissed me off, but I've had to prioritize where I spend my time as it's in such short supply lately.

So I've come to this conclusion: Icks-nay on the Ifurcation-bay. I'm only going to have one forum in which I post everything that I deem important to spend my time discussing. It may be thought-provoking, it may be interesting, it may be humorous or it may be an angry rant about what Jason did to piss me off (OK, so maybe I can do that once in a while -- But then there will probably be another one later about why I shouldn't allow myself to develop negative feelings towards him.)

I'm not sure if I'll change my mind at some time in the future, but at least I have this book that Grant bought me for Christmas in February to help me get through it. And one more thing: For those of you that aren't very blogficient, you probably won't get the pun in the title of this entry. A blog roll is a list of other blogs that a person puts on their blog. You can learn more blogcabulary here.